Movie Review: San Andreas

STAR*

The Pitch Review

CREW: We need jobs! Make a movie! ANY movie! Give us some work, for the love of god...

PRODUCER: All right. But it's not gonna be qulity-anything. We'll CGI the heck out of it. That'll be cool. And even if it's terrible, at least it'll get you paid.

DIRECTOR: I want to make a movie that is the Chinese water torture of overacting, cliche music, more overacting, and painfully bad lines. 

CREW: Awww...sh**...this is exactly the kind of movie that the Honest Trailers guy is going to have a field day with. But hey! Professional film crews like us can't just pay themselves without making a movie! Am I right?! yeah! And f*** Californians, anyway! The rest of the world doesn't care if they fall off the planet! It'll be fun! 

THE ROCK: I hope they cast that hot actress as my wife. No, my ex-wife. You know, the one that always has that expression on her face like a blow-up doll.

CARLA: Shut up, Dwayne.

* this one is laughably bad