Movie Review: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

STAR 1/2

The Pitch Review

BEN: What's the theme?
DIRECTOR: Simple: BUHM BUHM BUHHHHHHHHHHM...
SUPERMAN: Kind of overly dramatic, don'tchathink? Why all the unnecessary pauses & dramatic lighting?

BEN: I love it. How does it go again?

PRODUCER: BUH BUH BUHHHHHHHHHM...
WRITER: BUH BUH BUHHHHHHHHM...
SUPERMAN: Oh geez, this is DumB dumB duuuuuuuuuuumb...Tell me the scary monster will compensate for the annoyance of Lex.

LEX: [over-caffeinated] Shut up, Superman!!!
BEN: Yeah. Shut up, Superman.

Movie Review: Man of Tai Chi

STAR STAR STAR 1/2

The Pitch Review

DIRECTOR/KEANU: I'm directing a movie. Dammit.
WRITER: About what? Like the Matrix?

KEANU: What? No, dude. Better. I will slap them in the face with the awesomeness of tai chi.

WRITER: Slap them like this? Or just awesome kung fu?

KEANU: No, dammit. Like this,

and definitely all about the tai chi in it. In fact, let's call it "Tai Chi," man.

WRITER: I like "Man of Tai Chi." Slap me up, biatch.
PRODUCER: But does it have enough tai chi in it? Come on. Say "tai chi" one more time.
KEANU: Shut up, Producer.

Rainy day run view