Movie Review: Exodus - Gods and Kings

STAR STAR 1/2

The Pitch Review*

PRODUCER: Oh, shit. She's really pissed this time. What am I gonna do?!
DIRECTOR: Well, you forgot your anniversary. Again. And it's her birthday.
PRODUCER: Huh?
DIRECTOR: By jove, I think I've got it! We'll take the wives to Egypt!

Picture it - a movie about...Moses. Yes. Moses. Hm. That's exactly what we'll do, actually. The story's already written, really. There's the premise! And they'll know it's "foreign" because everyone will speak with a British accent.

WRITER: We'll go landscape, pan across landscape, costuming, costuming, landscape, people raising fists, bad CGI, some explosions.

DIRECTOR: Explosions? What? Back then? Okay. Why not. But people raising fists? Wha..?

WRITER: Yes. We'll make it work. So we fudge the transitions a little - or a lot - it's up to you...

DIRECTOR: You know the drill. Ala Gladiator style. Or Gladiator meets...bad digital effects and mediocre film stylizing - for budget reasons. I mean, entertaining the wives can be pricey!
PRODUCER: Um, sure. But it's my girlfriend that's pissed, not my wife...
DIRECTOR: Shut up, Producer...
(badum pshhh)


*Obviously, I totally made this up and in no way know whether the director has a girlfriend. Or a wife, for that matter. Nor do I care. :)