Movie Re-Review: Transformers Age of Extinction

STAR STAR*

The Pitch Review

DIRECTOR, PRODUCER, WRITER, etc. etc.: [chanting]
CGI
CGI
CGI
CGI
CGI
Mark Wahlberg! 
CGI
CGI
Mark! 
CGI
CGI
OPTIMUS PRIME: Mark Wahlberg!

MARK: Shut up, Optimus.

*Oh, jeez. I really, really, really hoped it'd be better the second time. Nope. Admittedly, even though the story only needed 5 minutes to wrap up, I didn't have the heart/stomach/patience to spend the actual HALF HOUR necessary to wrap it up. And without Mark Wahlberg in the movie, no way. HE totally carries it (just not to the happy ending). Boo.  Oh well.

Christmas Eve gifting

Maybe it's the rum talking 

Maybe it's the new fuzzy muff scarf I love so much (soooooo soft...)

Maybe it's the irresistible cheese selection...

But...

what was I saying? Oh geez...it's definitely the rum...gosh that shot glass was fun! Makes me think of what I imagine how Russians drink vodka all loud & friendly!  Hahaha! Ohmygodthatstheworstsentenceever. Shhh. I'm gonna take a nap...

*sigh* just kiss me softly in my dreams 

Movie Review: Trainwreck

STAR STAR 

The Pitch Review

AMY: For real? Anything I want?

PRODUCER: Yeah! They're begging for it!

AMY: I've always wanted to do something like Sex in the City...

PRODUCER: It's Sex "and..." not "in"

AMY: What? Whatever.

DIRECTOR: Oh my gawd, it'll be fabulous! I want unseductive awkward-sex to hold it all together. 

AMY: But I get to play all the Sex & the City [punching producer] characters wrapped into one person. I can totally play a super slutty promiscuous selfish alcoholic pot-smoking annoying pathetically non-redeeming bitchy New York City magazine writer. It's so me! Check! Except Charlotte.

 I won't do her. She bugs. I'll write her into another character, like a goody-too-shoes sister or something. Yeah! And I'll only wear really short dresses!

PRODUCER: It's "goody-two...," not "too..."

AMY: What? Whatever.

DIRECTOR: Are you comfortable with awkward sex scenes?

PRODUCER: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Her?! HAHAHAHAHA!

AMY: Shut up, producer.

Not a Movie Review: STAR WARS - The Force Awakens

STAR STAR STAR 3/4

*see movie

An excellent start to the trilogy. I simply had overly high expectations. But super fun. :)

Movie Review: Big Ass Spider

STAR STAR

The Pitch Review

WRITER: At least I still get to name the movie. And so I lost the bet. Get over it. It could be worse. 

DIRECTOR: I'm finding that hard to believe, but let's go with it. Christ. Who's gonna wanna be in this? 

PRODUCER: Um...Chicks. With boobs. 

And hair. We go heavy on extras, right? Let's have them run. 

WRITER: Yeah. From spiders. Big ass spiders.

PRODUCER: Freaky genetically alien giant spiders! Yeah!

WRITER: Exactly. 

Big. 

Ass. 

Spiders. 

That'll sum it up perfectly.

DIRECTOR: Let's call it "Tarantazombiezilla!" Give it some class! [doing jazz hands]

WRITER: Shut up, Director.

Big surf today!

Check out how wavy the horizon is on this photo. WEIRD. 

So glassy on this evening's run

Soggy evening. And look! Lights!

Movie non-review: Goodnight Mommy

unratable for me

Wow. Noooooo... repetitive revulsion shivers.
Oh, it's tragic, and sad...lulled into complacency with the pretty shots & creeping discomfort-escalation...and subtly upsetting on so very many levels...
 the kids singing...noooo...and why am I so incredibly sad for all the characters?!

a cocktail would've made this film go down so much easier. but you know what? No. Me neither.  I don't know what to think anymore tonight :(

Next time, I want to hold someone's hands (so I can cover my eyes and ears)