Movie Re-Review: Transformers Age of Extinction

STAR STAR*

The Pitch Review

DIRECTOR, PRODUCER, WRITER, etc. etc.: [chanting]
CGI
CGI
CGI
CGI
CGI
Mark Wahlberg! 
CGI
CGI
Mark! 
CGI
CGI
OPTIMUS PRIME: Mark Wahlberg!

MARK: Shut up, Optimus.

*Oh, jeez. I really, really, really hoped it'd be better the second time. Nope. Admittedly, even though the story only needed 5 minutes to wrap up, I didn't have the heart/stomach/patience to spend the actual HALF HOUR necessary to wrap it up. And without Mark Wahlberg in the movie, no way. HE totally carries it (just not to the happy ending). Boo.  Oh well.

Christmas Eve gifting

Maybe it's the rum talking 

Maybe it's the new fuzzy muff scarf I love so much (soooooo soft...)

Maybe it's the irresistible cheese selection...

But...

what was I saying? Oh geez...it's definitely the rum...gosh that shot glass was fun! Makes me think of what I imagine how Russians drink vodka all loud & friendly!  Hahaha! Ohmygodthatstheworstsentenceever. Shhh. I'm gonna take a nap...

*sigh* just kiss me softly in my dreams 

Movie Review: Trainwreck

STAR STAR 

The Pitch Review

AMY: For real? Anything I want?

PRODUCER: Yeah! They're begging for it!

AMY: I've always wanted to do something like Sex in the City...

PRODUCER: It's Sex "and..." not "in"

AMY: What? Whatever.

DIRECTOR: Oh my gawd, it'll be fabulous! I want unseductive awkward-sex to hold it all together. 

AMY: But I get to play all the Sex & the City [punching producer] characters wrapped into one person. I can totally play a super slutty promiscuous selfish alcoholic pot-smoking annoying pathetically non-redeeming bitchy New York City magazine writer. It's so me! Check! Except Charlotte.

 I won't do her. She bugs. I'll write her into another character, like a goody-too-shoes sister or something. Yeah! And I'll only wear really short dresses!

PRODUCER: It's "goody-two...," not "too..."

AMY: What? Whatever.

DIRECTOR: Are you comfortable with awkward sex scenes?

PRODUCER: HAHAHAHAHAHA! Her?! HAHAHAHAHA!

AMY: Shut up, producer.

Not a Movie Review: STAR WARS - The Force Awakens

STAR STAR STAR 3/4

*see movie

An excellent start to the trilogy. I simply had overly high expectations. But super fun. :)

Movie Review: Big Ass Spider

STAR STAR

The Pitch Review

WRITER: At least I still get to name the movie. And so I lost the bet. Get over it. It could be worse. 

DIRECTOR: I'm finding that hard to believe, but let's go with it. Christ. Who's gonna wanna be in this? 

PRODUCER: Um...Chicks. With boobs. 

And hair. We go heavy on extras, right? Let's have them run. 

WRITER: Yeah. From spiders. Big ass spiders.

PRODUCER: Freaky genetically alien giant spiders! Yeah!

WRITER: Exactly. 

Big. 

Ass. 

Spiders. 

That'll sum it up perfectly.

DIRECTOR: Let's call it "Tarantazombiezilla!" Give it some class! [doing jazz hands]

WRITER: Shut up, Director.

Big surf today!

Check out how wavy the horizon is on this photo. WEIRD. 

So glassy on this evening's run

Soggy evening. And look! Lights!

Movie non-review: Goodnight Mommy

unratable for me

Wow. Noooooo... repetitive revulsion shivers.
Oh, it's tragic, and sad...lulled into complacency with the pretty shots & creeping discomfort-escalation...and subtly upsetting on so very many levels...
 the kids singing...noooo...and why am I so incredibly sad for all the characters?!

a cocktail would've made this film go down so much easier. but you know what? No. Me neither.  I don't know what to think anymore tonight :(

Next time, I want to hold someone's hands (so I can cover my eyes and ears)

Late run

Movie Review: 3-Headed Shark Attack

STAR STAR 1/2 (so bad, it earned an bonus star)

DIRECTOR: [Banging gavel on high table] Okay okay! We've called this Porn Actors Guild together because we have some serious talent in this room, and want to see all of you reach your full potential. Remember our motto?
THE GUILD: [sporadic hooting & cat-calling, then in unison] "Take It In the Face!"
DIRECTOR: Yeah! Exactly. We'll have the audience take it all in the face, but reign it in.

FEMALE ACTOR: You mean, like "PG-R?"
PRODUCER: Sweetheart, there's no such thing.
FEMALE ACTOR: Can I still show my boobs?

DIRECTOR: Sure you can, baby. Boobs, boobs, and more boobs. And ass. But it stops there. 

THE GUILD: [cat calls and hooting]

DIRECTOR: Bob, you're great with building up to the money shots, so you're leading the screenwriting. Steve, you're great on the computer, so you do the CGI stuff. I don't care if the 3-headed shark doesn't make sense, if the story holds water, or if the characters are the dumbest people on the face of the earth. It's not about that. It's about you.

 People, I don't care if you read your lines like you're reading cat in the hat.  

Make the shark huge like your d*@k,

Steve, and go crazy with ridiculous gore. Amber, you've got that friend with the tattoo on his chest, so see if you can rope him in.

FEMALE ACTOR: I want to be the lead if it's PG-R-R!
PRODUCER: There's no such thing, honey-tits! [whispering to director] Have her die early in the story.

THE GUILD: [lone voice shouts] Take it in the face!
FEMALE ACTOR: Shut up, Steve.

Glassy morning on the river yesterday :)

Fun stuff tonight. Before Kareoke :)

https://youtu.be/E_QGolK1oJQ

Beautiful run today :)

Movie Review: Spectre

STAR STAR STAR 1/2

The Pitch Review

DANIEL: [British accent] Oh god. Must I? Again?
AGENT: We've been over this before, Daniel. You have a contract.
 PRODUCER: But you're so great at it! Come on...we've got the really good tailor who makes those suits fit you like a glove!

DIRECTOR: Give it a go, old chap! Guns blazing & all!
DANIEL: Why is this one seem so long? Truly. This one isn't so special, now, is it?
WRITER: Sure it is! We use [reverently whispering] a i r c r a f t...And I've paced it to mirror the feeling of recurring nap-jerks. Slowwww, FAST, slows, FAST. Like that.
AGENT: (Daniel, baby, just do it. Take the money and run. It's a classic Bond flick. Kiss the beautiful girls,

shoot the gun, punch some bad guys, fake some mind-blowing stunts, race around and BANG, you're out!)
PRODUCER: Did I mention the pants are amazing on you?
AGENT: Daniel, baby. The pants. On your body. With the girls. Say it with me: C-O-N-T-R-A-C-T.
DANIEL: Bugger off, Agent.

got the flu? watch this with me

I was trying to watch lots of scary movies in honor of Halloween, and then, knocking at the door wouldn't stop. but no one was there. except a really cute woodpecker. dammit!

and the flu hit me like a sledgehammer yesterday afternoon, I'm no better, and need a laugh. or a cry. or a laugh. or a hug. :(

just the hug, please

(waaaaah)

And then there's this...

Hilarious. Gross. Yet super clever! Genius...
(hahaha!)

On the rooftops of Providence (yesterday)

See the state house waaaaay in the back?! (Love it...)

I love sneaking up to the rooftop and regarding the city. Ahhh. Now I can breathe again. :)