the lucky alternative...: 2016

Monday, July 18, 2016

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Friday, June 17, 2016

Movie Review: Ninja Apocalypse

The Pitch Review

STAR

WRITER: [ over-excited & Hyperventilating] And then...and then...and then...

PRODUCER: Breathe, dude...

DIRECTOR: I can totally see it! More cyber blood gooping up the shot! And random kung fu sequences! And chick ninjas with serious "skills," if ya know what I mean by "skills"!

WRITER: ...and then...and then...

DIRECTOR: Hey, get your buddy that's into computers to do the music. He'll figure out something, I don't care if it matches. Just get some ninja sound on the tape.

PRODUCER: Well, it's more kung fu, than ninja.

WRITER: [eyes bugging out]...and then...and then...ZOMBIES

PRODUCER: Ohmygod. Shut up, Writer. (But okay, zombies.)

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Beautiful Providence evening

Sunday, June 12, 2016

i aint got nobody

(no tendo a nadie)

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Pvd sunset

Let's play!

Monday, May 30, 2016

This is my favorite piece to work to (so, yes, now)

I never get sick of it.

over

& over

etc. etc.

Sunday, May 15, 2016

Movie Review: Captain America - CIVIL WAR

STAR STAR STAR STAR 1/4

The Pitch Review: Captain America - CIVIL WAR

WRITERS: Well??? What do you think?!
PRODUCERS: "Too many notes." Quite long, don't you think?

DIRECTOR: It's as long as it needs to be!
WRITERS: Hey, we'll have tons of stories & subplots.

PRODUCERS: Yeah! If we give all the characters tons of screen time, then if they have a bad day, there'll be enough going on to distract the audience and make them forget about the parts that are, um, less clear!
DIRECTOR: And I want to see HUGE font throughout the film. Hear me? HUGE font. Do it.
CHRIS EVANS: Do I get enough screen time flexing?

PAUL BETTANY: I like how no one's left out. Ok. Maybe one or two too many notes...

SPIDERMAN: It's not too many notes! It's AWESOME! It's PERFECT! I LOVE it!

PRODUCERS: Shut up, Spiderman.

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Movie Review: Eye In the Sky

STAR STAR

The Pitch Review

WRITER: blah blah blah blah drones

DIRECTOR: blah blah blah a kid

PRODUCER: blah blah blah blah uni-dimensional bad guys

WRITER: blah blah blah blah embarrass foreign countries

HELEN: blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah?

SNAPE: are we on our phones the entire time?

ALL: Shut up, Snape.*

*LOVED him. Enjoyed his work immensely.

Ssstttrrrrettttcccccchhhhhhhhhhh...

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Movie Review: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

STAR 1/2

The Pitch Review

BEN: What's the theme?
DIRECTOR: Simple: BUHM BUHM BUHHHHHHHHHHM...
SUPERMAN: Kind of overly dramatic, don'tchathink? Why all the unnecessary pauses & dramatic lighting?

BEN: I love it. How does it go again?

PRODUCER: BUH BUH BUHHHHHHHHHM...
WRITER: BUH BUH BUHHHHHHHHM...
SUPERMAN: Oh geez, this is DumB dumB duuuuuuuuuuumb...Tell me the scary monster will compensate for the annoyance of Lex.

LEX: [over-caffeinated] Shut up, Superman!!!
BEN: Yeah. Shut up, Superman.

Sunday, March 13, 2016

Movie Review: Man of Tai Chi

STAR STAR STAR 1/2

The Pitch Review

DIRECTOR/KEANU: I'm directing a movie. Dammit.
WRITER: About what? Like the Matrix?

KEANU: What? No, dude. Better. I will slap them in the face with the awesomeness of tai chi.

WRITER: Slap them like this? Or just awesome kung fu?

KEANU: No, dammit. Like this,

and definitely all about the tai chi in it. In fact, let's call it "Tai Chi," man.

WRITER: I like "Man of Tai Chi." Slap me up, biatch.
PRODUCER: But does it have enough tai chi in it? Come on. Say "tai chi" one more time.
KEANU: Shut up, Producer.