Movie Review: 3-Headed Shark Attack

STAR STAR 1/2 (so bad, it earned an bonus star)

DIRECTOR: [Banging gavel on high table] Okay okay! We've called this Porn Actors Guild together because we have some serious talent in this room, and want to see all of you reach your full potential. Remember our motto?
THE GUILD: [sporadic hooting & cat-calling, then in unison] "Take It In the Face!"
DIRECTOR: Yeah! Exactly. We'll have the audience take it all in the face, but reign it in.

FEMALE ACTOR: You mean, like "PG-R?"
PRODUCER: Sweetheart, there's no such thing.
FEMALE ACTOR: Can I still show my boobs?

DIRECTOR: Sure you can, baby. Boobs, boobs, and more boobs. And ass. But it stops there. 

THE GUILD: [cat calls and hooting]

DIRECTOR: Bob, you're great with building up to the money shots, so you're leading the screenwriting. Steve, you're great on the computer, so you do the CGI stuff. I don't care if the 3-headed shark doesn't make sense, if the story holds water, or if the characters are the dumbest people on the face of the earth. It's not about that. It's about you.

 People, I don't care if you read your lines like you're reading cat in the hat.  

Make the shark huge like your d*@k,

Steve, and go crazy with ridiculous gore. Amber, you've got that friend with the tattoo on his chest, so see if you can rope him in.

FEMALE ACTOR: I want to be the lead if it's PG-R-R!
PRODUCER: There's no such thing, honey-tits! [whispering to director] Have her die early in the story.

THE GUILD: [lone voice shouts] Take it in the face!
FEMALE ACTOR: Shut up, Steve.